Lesson 7
Living The Christian Life
God’s Pattern For The Home For Husbands
Introduction
God’s pattern for the home is under attack as never before. This attack is coming
from the godless part of our society. What is even sadder about this is that many of the
denominational churches have sided with the anti-god society. God’s authority for the
home goes all the way back to the Garden of Eden, for there He made the original pair
male and female:
“Then God said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our
likeness; and let them rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of
the sky and over the cattle and over all the earth, and over every
creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” And God created man in His
own image, in the image of God He created him; mali and female He
created them” (Gen 1:26-27 NAS).
As our Maker, God had/has the divine right to govern His creatures, His very offspring.
He alone has the ultimate authority in the home.
God wants His offspring to be as happy as they can possibly be. He knows what
is in man and thus is keenly aware of what brings true happiness and fulfillment. His
divine pattern for the home is designed for that very purpose. When God’s instructions
are heeded, we find our greatest joy; but when abandoned and neglected, we confront our
most dreaded tragedy and misery. The home should be a shelter and shield from the
assaults and sorrows of the world; but, a failure in the home can bring our greatest pain.
Every person in the home has his own part in making the home a beautiful, blessed place, a haven of happiness and security. For any member of the family to fail in honoring God’s pattern, the whole household is affected, and the intended happiness and peace of the family is marred. Just as surely as the one flower can send its fragrance throughout a room, the influence of one beautiful, generous, loving,’ sacrificing mate, parent, or child can enrich the happiness of the home. However, for the home to be truly happy, the husband, the wife, and each childmust honor God’s divine pattern for the home. As a smooth running engine depends upon every part, the beautiful painting upon the combination of each color, and the pleasant musical harmony upon each note, harmony and pleasure in the family depend upon each family member.
In a day of decadence and degeneracy, in a day of promiscuity and compromise,
in a day of situation ethics and the new morality, in a day of license and no objective
standard, in a day of rebellion and blasphemy, in a day of selfishness and bigotry, in a
day of sodomy and living together, in a day of child an adult delinquency, in a day of
glorifying Humanistic, atheistic philosophy and theology, the home is under a major
attack. In the next few lessons we will look at the home from God’s sacred pattern.
God’s Pattern For The Husband
Marriage is not for children. It is a serious responsibility, and some men and
women never gain the maturitynecessary to fulfill their responsibilities in marriage.
Maturity is required. Great and sincere dedication is necessary to make a marriage work.
Paul’s admonition to the Corinthians is also appropriate for the Christian husband; “….
quit you[quip yourself] like men [like a mature individual], be strong” (I Cor. 16:13).
Very quickly, the new husband must realize that he must depart from childish
things, and from a child’s lack of concern with food, shelter, and clothing. He is now the
head of his own household, the one responsible for the welfare of his wife, and of his
children when they come along. He must make grown-up decisions and meet grown-up
responsibilities. The immature should not get married.
Love
God’s pattern for the husband requires that he love his wife. Genuine love upon
which marriage must be established is not something into which people “fall” or “fall out
of.” Biblical love is taught and learned; “…. that they may train the young women to
love their husbands, to love their children”(Titus 2:4). One must build the proper
environment for love to develop, to blossom, and to grow; and, that environment must
continue after marriage.
The husband is commanded, “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also
loved the church, and gave himself up for it”(Eph. 5:25). He must love his wife as his
own body (Eph. 5:28); and to love her is to love himself (Eph. 5:28). This love is to be
reciprocated by his wife as pointed out above (Titus 2:4).
The wife is to be honored by the husband. “You husbands likewise, live with
{your wives} in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel, since she is a woman;
and grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not
be hindered”(1 Pet 3:7 NAS). True love uplifts the wife, and keeps itself only to her.
The husband who loves his wife as Christ does the church never acts in such way as to
leave the impression that he does not love her-nor does he love other women. He never
conducts himself in any way leading to an occasion wherein his mate might come to
doubt his true and pure love of and loyalty to her.
Solomon, in the Song of Solomon, demonstrated great love of and devotion to the
young lady from Shulam (6:13), whom he dated (1:1-3:5) and who became his wife (3:6-
5:1). Notice how he praised her attractiveness to him (1:9-11); note how he sat her with
him at his table in his banqueting house (1:12) and how” …. his banner over [her] was
love” (2:4). Solomon was wise enough not to ridicule her in public or to talk down to
her; he built her up and praised her, even in areas where she felt self-conscious. Whereas
she felt unattractive in her appearance, being sunburned (1 :5-7), he praised her
appearance and assured her that she was special as no other in the kingdom (1 :9-11; 4: 1-
15; 6:4-10). His wife was not the object of his jokes. He did not make light of and
embarrass her before others. Such undermines one’s own marriage relationship and
decreases the fulfillment, unity and joy in the marriage.
The wife’s self-worth depends in large measure upon the husband’s
encouragement and praise of her. [Wise husbands will not forget it; treat her like the
queen of your home, and she will become just that, a queen]. Just as a person nourishes
his own body, the husband should give his wife the nourishment of praise, expressions of
gratitude, and honor.
Does not love itself call for such honor? Did you not treat her with honor,
respect, and praise before you married? How can such be diminished after marriage? Is
she worthy of less honor, now that she is your wife? The appreciation for one’s mate should
be felt and demonstrated increasingly through the years.
Love must also include the recognition that marriage is s- the closest human
relationship. This calls for the husband and the wife to be best friends. With one’s mate,
does he share the joys, sorrows, confidences, etc., of life; this is God’s design. “Enjoy
life with the woman whom you love all the days of your fleeting life which He has
given to you under the sun; for this is your reward in life, and in your toil in which you
have labored under the sun”(Eccl 9:9 NAS) One should never forget that he and his
wife are on the same team …. sometimes against the world, it may seem.
Must Provide
God’s pattern for the husband requires that he provide for his wife. This has in
every age been the Lord’s requirement. The husband must make honest gain from his
labor, even at the sweat of his brow (Gen. 3:19), to provide sustenance, clothing, and the
duties of marriage for his mate. “But if anyone does not provide for his own, and
especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith, and is worse than an
unbeliever”[infidel KJV] (1 Tim 5:8 NAS). One not prepared physically, emotionally,
intellectually, etc., to provide for a family should not marry
.
The person contemplating marriage must realize that a wife and children have a
right to the necessities of life-food, shelter, clothing, etc. He is especially responsible
for those things being provided. Unless he is incapacitated by some debilitating illness or
by some other unavoidable situation, he is not to attempt to shift this responsibility to
others. [It is understood that the wife, at times and under certain circumstances, needs to
work outside the home to assist in providing for the needs of the family].
Many families have been devastated over money matters. Though the standard of
living is higher in the United States than in other nations, yet financial problems are often
the cause of severe disagreements and strain. A husband and/or a wife who is never
satisfied with what he/she has can work havoc on a marriage. “But godliness (actually)is
a means of great gain, when accompanied by contentment. For we have brought nothing
into the world, so we cannot take anything out of it either. And if we have
food and covering, with these we shall be content”(1 Tim 6:6-8 NAS). Both husband
and wife must learn to live within their income.
Cleave
God’s pattern for the husband, His pattern from the beginning, requires that he
cleave unto his wife. “So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and
he slept; then He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh at that place. And the
LORD God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and
brought her to the man. And the man said, “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh
of my flesh; she shall be called woman, because she was taken out of Man. “For this
cause a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and
they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not
ashamed”(Gen 2:21-25 NAS cf. Mark 10:6; Matt. 19:4-5).
The man leaves his parents for his wife-and, he gives up all others to be truly
devoted to his wife. He is married to her! Many have had their marriages undermined by
friction caused by either or both sets of parents. Some parents, unfortunately, are
responsible for breaking up their children’s marriages. We must loose the apron strings
when the time comes. Is not preparation for marriage one of the very goals of rearing the
children? Then, we should not be overly possessive. The son is to “leave” and “cleave.”
“For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife;
and the two shall become one flesh”(Eph 5:31 NAS).
When the husband cleaves to his wife, he is to blend his life to hers; they two
become one. He will keep himself to only his wife for a lifetime. The universal
regulation is, “So that they are no more two, but one flesh. What therefore God hath
joined together, let no man put asunder” (Matt. 19:6). The person not adhering to this
regulation by the Lord shall be called an adulterer (Rom. 7:1-4); Why? It is because that
is what he or she is! [The sole exception to this rule, or pattern, is adultery, in which case
the innocent (if the mate is truly innocent) has the right scripturally to remarry]. True
married love is to endure, as strong as death itself (Song of Sol. 8:6). He who violates
God’s regulation in marriage is in God’s eyes a heinous criminal (Job 31 :9-12). God
“hates putting away”(Mal. 2:16).
We must make our marriages work; divorce is not the solution. God’s Word,
learned, respected, and heeded is! Those wanting to please God, to go to heaven, and to
have happy marriages must:
(1)Realize that marriage is a lifelong contract-till death do us part;
(2) Realize that divorce does not solve problems-it compounds the problems
[the same problems are most often taken into later “marriages”];
(3) Never allow the word “divorce” to enter one’s vocabulary-there are other
solutions;
(4) Realize that one can learn to love again [in the case where one says, “Well, I
just do not love him (or her) any more’]-one learns to love again by
remembering and retracing the steps by which he (or she) came to love his
(her) mate before and early in the marriage relationship;
(5) Seek the Lord’s wisdom and guidance through the study of His Word and
prayer [preferably, with one’s mate], and perhaps through the help of God respecting,
competent brethren who can help–God’s Word is the greatest
work ever written on marriage [which one would truly expect from Him who
made us and who instituted marriage];
(6) Realize, in the case where only one of the mates is interested in saving the
marriage, that agape love can bring about a change in one’s husband or wife-
“a better world begins with me”; just so does a better marriage begin with
me-I change my wife by becoming a better husband [the principle is seen in
I Jno. 4:19KN “We love him, because he first loved us. ‘1, not by trying
directly to change her or him; and,
(7) Divorce any other woman or man from your mind [if you have become .”, interested/infatuated by that person]-you have no right _..to that person! Solomon observed, “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favor of Jehovah”(Prov. 18:22), but he warned the husband to:
“Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your
own well. Should your springs overflow in the streets, your
streams of water in the public squares? Let them be yours alone,
never to be shared with strangers. May your fountain be blessed,
and may you rejoice in the Wife of your youth. A loving doe, a
graceful deer- may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever
be captivated by her love. Why be captivated, my son, by an
adulteress? Why embrace the bosom of another man’s wife? For
a man’s ways are in full view of the LORD, and he examines all
his paths. The evil deeds of a wicked man ensnare him; the cords
of his sin hold him fast. He will die for lack of discipline, led
astray by his own great folly”(Prov 5: 15-23 NIV).
What does your word mean to you? Do your vows before God to be faithful to
your wife mean nothing, when you promised to be faithful to your wife in sickness and in
health, etc., as long as the two of you shall live? Adulterers shall not enter heaven: “But
for the cowardly and unbelieving and abominable and murderers and immoral persons
and sorcerers and idolaters and all liars, their part {will be} in the lake that burns with
fire and brimstone, which is the second death” (Rev 21:8 NAS).
Due Benevolence
God’s pattern for the husband requires that “the husband render unto the wife due
benevolence”:
. – “Let the husband fulfill his duty [due benevolence KJV] to his wife, and
likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority
over her own body, but the husband {does} and likewise also the
husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife {does.}
Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time that you may
devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again lest Satan tempt
you because of your lack of self-control”(1 Cor 7:3-5 NAS).
When a couple marries, Paul states, the husband’s body belongs to the wife and the
wife’s body to the husband. They are not to withhold themselves one from the other
except by mutual consent for a time of mourning, sickness, etc., after which time they
come back together, “that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.” The husband
[and the wife] must remember that man was created male and female, with natural sex
drives, which find scriptural fulfillment only in marriage. It is an important, beautiful,
rewarding part of marriage. The neglect of the sexual relationship or the withholding of
oneself as “punishment” undermines and can bring disaster to the marriage. The mate
who is not fulfilled at home may be tempted to seek fulfillment elsewhere. Such is
adultery [and is condemned by God], but the selfish, unwise, and disinterested husband or
wife who does not show this ‘due benevolence [love]” is certainly not innocent if the
unfulfilled mate finds sexual gratification with another.
The sexual relationship is an intimate, tender, sacred expression of genuine, devoted,
mutual, and united love. “{Let} marriage {be held} in honor among all, and let
the {marriage} bed {be} undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge”(Heb
13:4 NAS). The husband [like the wife] must not enter the marriage relationship with a
selfish attitude. The attitude of the husband should be that he will strive to meet the
needs of his mate. When one does this, his wife will reciprocate [and vice versa].
Though there are exceptions, this is the general rule. His attitude must be what I can do
for her- not, what can she do for me. This type spirit pays great dividends. He will
shield and comfort her, and he strives to make her happy. She has left mother and father,
the securities of the home where she was reared and trained, to go with her husband. She
has severed cherished, precious ties of her youth. The wife now looks with faith,
confidence, and trust into the face of the husband into whose hands she has committed
her life and welfare. The loving Christian husband will not betray that trust. He will lead
them into a life of excitement and joy, not into a life of misery and betrayal. The sacred
trust into which he has entered and to which he has pledged himself will be fulfilled; he
will seek her greatest good and well being. He will help her to become a noble, beautiful
example of precious womanhood. God’s man will be true to this sacred trust.
Tender
God’s pattern for the husband is that the husband is to be kind and tender to his
wife. Having instructed the wives relative to their chaste and becoming behavior, Peter
moved to instruct the husbands.
“you husbands likewise, live with {your wives} in an understanding way,
as with a weaker vessel, since she is a woman; and grant her honor as a
fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be
hindered”(1 Pet 3:7 NAS).
And, the Golden Rule certainly applies in marriage:
“Therefore, however you want people to treat you, so treat them, for this
is the Law and the Prophets”(Matt 7: 12 NAS).
Also consider:
“And be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just
as God in Christ also has forgiven you”(Eph 4:32 NAS).
Why is it that very often, we are much more kind to others than to the closest people on earth to us, our mates and our children?
The wise husband does not ridicule or talk down to his wife. He is not sarcastic,
nor does he attempt to embarrass or belittle her. Making her the brunt of his joke in
public undermines their intimacy when they are alone. Paul gives excellent advice to all
of us, including husbands:
“Do all things without grumbling or disputing; [quarreling)”(Phil 2:14
NAS).
“Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor
giving preference to one another;”(Rom 12:10 NKJ).
“Love is patient, love is kind”(1 Cor 13:4 NAS)
When disagreements do arise, love “fights fair”. Solomon observed, “That which
maketh a man to be desired is his kindness” (prov. 19:22). He is possessed of self-control,
patience, and integrity; he is sufficiently self-assured, self-respecting, and strong
to be gentle and tender. He refrains from those unkind and angry acts, words, and looks
which “cut to the quick”; sharp, bitter words can sting like arrows, penetrating to the
depths of the heart, often intentionally causing pain to his devoted companion. If A
righteous man has regard for the life of his beast, but the compassion of the wicked is
cruel”(Prov 12:10 NAS), certainly the righteous husband honors the feelings of the heart
of his wife. The closer the relationship in life, especially in the home, the greater the pain
inflicted by bitter, thoughtless, rude, and sharp word or deed. How refreshing and
comforting, on the other hand, are thoughtful, tender, encouraging, sympathetic,
reassuring words to one’s help-meet!
Tenderness also includes and necessitates that the husband [or wife] accept his
wife as she is. None of us has “sprouted any wings”; none is perfect, including our mates.
Husband, when you married your wife, she had imperfections, but your love caused
you to overlook them. You emphasized her many positive qualities and deemphasized
the negative ones. Remember, ” …. love covereth a multitude of sins” (I
Pet. 4:8). Therefore, tt •••• be ye kind one to another, tender hearted, forgiving each
other, even as God also in Christ forgave you?” (Eph. 4:32).
Appreciation
God’s pattern for the husband requires that he appreciate his wife. She deserves
to be assured and reassured that she is needed, that she is the only one for him, that she is
[out of all the women in the world] very special to him. He needs to demonstrate this to
her daily in very thoughtful ways. Oh, how this draws the couple increasingly closer as
the years come and go! “An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above
jewels”(Prov 31:10 NAS). “House and wealth are an inheritance from fathers, but a
prudent wife isfrom the LORD”(Prov 19:14 NAS). “An excellent wife is the crown of
her husband” (Prov 12:4 NAS).
The wise husband will demonstrate his appreciation in many precious and
sacrificial ways. He will not forget those seemingly small gestures of kindness. That gift
of perfume, or flowers, or a new outfit of clothes will demonstrate such appreciation. Do
not expect your wife to read your mind. A good example to follow is Elkanah: “Then
Elkanah her husband said to her, “Hannah, why do you weep and why do you not eat
and why is your heart sad? Am I not better to you than ten sons?”(1 Sam 1:8 NAS).
Leadership
God’s pattern for the husband requires that he be the proper leader, the head of the
wife. As God is the head of Christ, so tt…. the head of the woman is the man”(I Cor.
11:3). “For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the
church”(Eph. 5:23). This relationship does not indicate superiority versus inferiority,
but a difference in role and in areas of responsibility. Christ is not inferior to God; both
the husband and the wife are equal before God; they are one in Christ. The husband must
realize, though, that his responsibility involves financial, moral, ethical, and spiritual
responsibilities. If he humbles himself before his head, Christ, the woman will not be
reticent to submit to his headship, knowing that he will do what is best for her welfare,
protection, and growth as well as for the children. The Bible also says, ” …. subjecting
yourselves one to another in the fear [reverence] of Christ”(Eph. 5:21). The thoughtful
husband will not “lord it over” the wife. He is not a dictator or a tyrant! He will carry
out his leadership responsibility in love, considering also the wise counsel and wishes of
his wife.
The husband must assume his leadership role. Eve was told in the Garden, ” ..•.
thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee”(Gen. 3:16). Jehovah
said of Abraham, “For I have known him, to the end that he may command his
children and his household after him, that they may keep the way of Jehovah, to do
righteousness and justice”(Gen. 18:19). Joshua did likewise (Joshua 24:15). To abdicate
the husband’s responsibility is grievously to sin! It is your full time job,
husband, not to be assumed on an inconsistent basis. “Show thyself a man!” Do not
forsake your role as husband and cause your wife to feel she must assume your God given
responsibility!
Assume your responsibility and headship in religious matters. How tragic it is to
forsake and disobey the command, “And ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath:
but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord”(Eph. 6:4)! The greatest
bond which should exist between husband and wife is their common, mutual love for the
Lord. Some husbands love and are devoted to their wives, but they fail their mates here.
They want them to serve the Lord and bring up their children in the Lord alone. In the
greatest responsibility of the marriage, he abdicates his responsibility. How tragic, how
wrong to treat one’s wife! In the deepest area of love, sympathy, and devotion, the wife
must go it alone. She must learn of God alone, become a Christian alone, worship alone,
serve the Lord alone, bear the responsibility of rearing the children in the Lord alone, and
approach God’s throne alone. Extremely sad, if his attitude persists, she.will hear God
say, “Well done,” alone.
How wonderful, dear husband, it would be if you were to unite with her in the
Lord! Think of the burdens lightened and the smile brightened, of the enhanced joys of
the marriage relationship and the more close-knit union of hearts, of the renewed strength
and hope through prayer and the heightened comfort and blessing through God’s grace.
Think of the new zest and excitement of having a family-husband, wife, and children traveling
hand in hand unto that “land that is fairer than day. “
Communication
God’s pattern for the husband requires that he communicate and share plans with
his wife. Before a couple marries they cannot spend enough time together. They spend
time doing things together and talking to each other. Question: Why is it that this
communication and time spent together often do not persist after we marry? Such failure
can work disaster to one’s marriage. We are to ”walk in love,” not allowing even added
responsibilities and a busy lifestyle to interfere.
It is not enough not to be bitter toward or to mistreat one’s wife. Not to speak and
not to spend time together is destructive. One has observed that garden without weeds is
helpful, but a garden full of beautiful, fragrant flowers is beautiful. Marriages flourish
and problems dissipate where togetherness and communication persist. The wife is made
happy when she is in the planning of family activities and pursuits; she has much to
contribute to those plans and ideas. When he takes her into his deliberations and
concerns, she is encouraged and her dignity and self-respect are enhanced. Thereby, he is
made stronger for the tasks at hand, fortified for life’s challenges. He knows that he has
strong backing, a sympathetic ear, and a place of refuge at home. There, he is as a king,
and she is queen. She wants to share his joys and triumphs; she enjoys rejoicing also.
And she wants to help bear and shield her husband from the burdens of life; she can
cushion him from much of the pain. She wants to be and is the righteous husband’s
inspiration to accomplish great things. The truism is, “Behind every great man there is a
great woman.”Husband, why allow yourself to be crushed beneath the burdens of life,
grievous to be borne, when your loving companion can help you bear up under them?
What folly it is! Is your wife a child, too immature to help you face life’s difficulties?
Did you not vow to love her and to share life with her, ‘For better or for worse”?Give
her the credit she deserves; she is a woman, not a child.
Conclusion
Husband, give heed to the Lord’s instructions for marriage. Be as happy as you
can possibly be. Do-not deprive yourself of life’s most precious joys in serving the Lord.
Refrain from selfishness, and seek the Lord’s guidance as you seek to glorify the Lord in
your marriage.