Category Archives: Marriage Relationships

God’s Pattern for the HOME, A Wife’s Love for Her Husband & Ways to Enhance Your Marriage

Marriage Relationships – Read This First

Order Of Instruction

When teaching these lessons, lesson 7 should be your starting Point.  This is a series of Guy Roberson’s lessons that were taught in Portland, Oregon during his tenure here.  These are Extremely helpful in understand your role in the marriage relationship.  We begin our studies with God’s Pattern for the Home for Husbands.


Secondly, lesson 4 should be studied to understand the wife’s roll in the marriage relationship.


The Culmination of this study probably appears to be backwards because it is entitled Introduction.  This is lesson 5 “Ways to Enhance Your Marriage.” 


This material is an exceptional study for young adults both married and non-married.

God’s Pattern For the Home For Husbands – Lesson 7

Lesson 7

Living The Christian Life


God’s Pattern For The Home For Husbands





     God’s pattern for the home is under attack as never before. This attack is coming

from the godless part of our society. What is even sadder about this is that many of the

denominational churches have sided with the anti-god society. God’s authority for the

home goes all the way back to the Garden of Eden, for there He made the original pair

male and female:


“Then God said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our

likeness; and let them rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of

the sky and over the cattle and over all the earth, and over every

creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” And God created man in His

own image, in the image of God He created him; mali and female He

created them” (Gen 1:26-27 NAS).


     As our Maker, God had/has the divine right to govern His creatures, His very offspring.

He alone has the ultimate authority in the home.


     God wants His offspring to be as happy as they can possibly be. He knows what

is in man and thus is keenly aware of what brings true happiness and fulfillment. His

divine pattern for the home is designed for that very purpose. When God’s instructions

are heeded, we find our greatest joy; but when abandoned and neglected, we confront our

most dreaded tragedy and misery. The home should be a shelter and shield from the

assaults and sorrows of the world; but, a failure in the home can bring our greatest pain.


     Every person in the home has his own part in making the home a beautiful, blessed place, a haven of happiness and security. For any member of the family to fail in honoring God’s pattern, the whole household is affected, and the intended happiness and peace of the family is marred. Just as surely as the one flower can send its fragrance throughout a room, the influence of one beautiful, generous, loving,’ sacrificing mate, parent, or child can enrich the happiness of the home. However, for the home to be truly happy, the husband, the wife, and each childmust honor God’s divine pattern for the home. As a smooth running engine depends upon every part, the beautiful painting upon the combination of each color, and the pleasant musical harmony upon each note, harmony and pleasure in the family depend upon each family member.


     In a day of decadence and degeneracy, in a day of promiscuity and compromise,

in a day of situation ethics and the new morality, in a day of license and no objective

standard, in a day of rebellion and blasphemy, in a day of selfishness and bigotry, in a

day of sodomy and living together, in a day of child an adult delinquency, in a day of

glorifying Humanistic, atheistic philosophy and theology, the home is under a major

attack. In the next few lessons we will look at the home from God’s sacred pattern.


God’s Pattern For The Husband


     Marriage is not for children. It is a serious responsibility, and some men and

women never gain the maturitynecessary to fulfill their responsibilities in marriage.

Maturity is required. Great and sincere dedication is necessary to make a marriage work.

Paul’s admonition to the Corinthians is also appropriate for the Christian husband; “….

quit you[quip yourself] like men [like a mature individual], be strong” (I Cor. 16:13).


     Very quickly, the new husband must realize that he must depart from childish

things, and from a child’s lack of concern with food, shelter, and clothing. He is now the

head of his own household, the one responsible for the welfare of his wife, and of his

children when they come along. He must make grown-up decisions and meet grown-up

responsibilities. The immature should not get married.




     God’s pattern for the husband requires that he love his wife. Genuine love upon

which marriage must be established is not something into which people “fall” or “fall out

of.” Biblical love is taught and learned; “…. that they may train the young women to

love their husbands, to love their children”(Titus 2:4). One must build the proper

environment for love to develop, to blossom, and to grow; and, that environment must

continue after marriage.


     The husband is commanded, “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also

loved the church, and gave himself up for it”(Eph. 5:25). He must love his wife as his

own body (Eph. 5:28); and to love her is to love himself (Eph. 5:28). This love is to be

reciprocated by his wife as pointed out above (Titus 2:4).


     The wife is to be honored by the husband. “You husbands likewise, live with

{your wives} in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel, since she is a woman;

and grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not

be hindered”(1 Pet 3:7 NAS). True love uplifts the wife, and keeps itself only to her.

The husband who loves his wife as Christ does the church never acts in such way as to

leave the impression that he does not love her-nor does he love other women. He never

conducts himself in any way leading to an occasion wherein his mate might come to

doubt his true and pure love of and loyalty to her.


     Solomon, in the Song of Solomon, demonstrated great love of and devotion to the

young lady from Shulam (6:13), whom he dated (1:1-3:5) and who became his wife (3:6-

5:1). Notice how he praised her attractiveness to him (1:9-11); note how he sat her with

him at his table in his banqueting house (1:12) and how” …. his banner over [her] was

love” (2:4). Solomon was wise enough not to ridicule her in public or to talk down to

her; he built her up and praised her, even in areas where she felt self-conscious. Whereas

she felt unattractive in her appearance, being sunburned (1 :5-7), he praised her

appearance and assured her that she was special as no other in the kingdom (1 :9-11; 4: 1-

15; 6:4-10). His wife was not the object of his jokes. He did not make light of and

embarrass her before others. Such undermines one’s own marriage relationship and

decreases the fulfillment, unity and joy in the marriage.


     The wife’s self-worth depends in large measure upon the husband’s

encouragement and praise of her. [Wise husbands will not forget it; treat her like the

queen of your home, and she will become just that, a queen]. Just as a person nourishes

his own body, the husband should give his wife the nourishment of praise, expressions of

gratitude, and honor.


     Does not love itself call for such honor? Did you not treat her with honor,

respect, and praise before you married? How can such be diminished after marriage? Is

she worthy of less honor, now that she is your wife? The appreciation for one’s mate should

be felt and demonstrated increasingly through the years.


     Love must also include the recognition that marriage is s- the closest human

relationship. This calls for the husband and the wife to be best friends. With one’s mate,

does he share the joys, sorrows, confidences, etc., of life; this is God’s design. “Enjoy

life with the woman whom you love all the days of your fleeting life which He has

given to you under the sun; for this is your reward in life, and in your toil in which you

have labored under the sun”(Eccl 9:9 NAS) One should never forget that he and his

wife are on the same team …. sometimes against the world, it may seem.


Must Provide


     God’s pattern for the husband requires that he provide for his wife. This has in

every age been the Lord’s requirement. The husband must make honest gain from his

labor, even at the sweat of his brow (Gen. 3:19), to provide sustenance, clothing, and the

duties of marriage for his mate. “But if anyone does not provide for his own, and

especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith, and is worse than an

unbeliever”[infidel KJV] (1 Tim 5:8 NAS). One not prepared physically, emotionally,

intellectually, etc., to provide for a family should not marry


     The person contemplating marriage must realize that a wife and children have a

right to the necessities of life-food, shelter, clothing, etc. He is especially responsible

for those things being provided. Unless he is incapacitated by some debilitating illness or

by some other unavoidable situation, he is not to attempt to shift this responsibility to

others. [It is understood that the wife, at times and under certain circumstances, needs to

work outside the home to assist in providing for the needs of the family].


     Many families have been devastated over money matters. Though the standard of

living is higher in the United States than in other nations, yet financial problems are often

the cause of severe disagreements and strain. A husband and/or a wife who is never

satisfied with what he/she has can work havoc on a marriage. “But godliness (actually)is

a means of great gain, when accompanied by contentment. For we have brought nothing

into the world, so we cannot take anything out of it either. And if we have

food and covering, with these we shall be content”(1 Tim 6:6-8 NAS). Both husband

and wife must learn to live within their income.




     God’s pattern for the husband, His pattern from the beginning, requires that he

cleave unto his wife. “So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and

he slept; then He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh at that place. And the

LORD God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and

brought her to the man. And the man said, “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh

of my flesh; she shall be called woman, because she was taken out of Man. “For this

cause a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and

they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not

ashamed”(Gen 2:21-25 NAS cf. Mark 10:6; Matt. 19:4-5).


     The man leaves his parents for his wife-and, he gives up all others to be truly

devoted to his wife. He is married to her! Many have had their marriages undermined by

friction caused by either or both sets of parents. Some parents, unfortunately, are

responsible for breaking up their children’s marriages. We must loose the apron strings

when the time comes. Is not preparation for marriage one of the very goals of rearing the

children? Then, we should not be overly possessive. The son is to “leave” and “cleave.”

“For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife;

and the two shall become one flesh”(Eph 5:31 NAS).


     When the husband cleaves to his wife, he is to blend his life to hers; they two

become one. He will keep himself to only his wife for a lifetime. The universal

regulation is, “So that they are no more two, but one flesh. What therefore God hath

joined together, let no man put asunder” (Matt. 19:6). The person not adhering to this

regulation by the Lord shall be called an adulterer (Rom. 7:1-4); Why? It is because that

is what he or she is! [The sole exception to this rule, or pattern, is adultery, in which case

the innocent (if the mate is truly innocent) has the right scripturally to remarry]. True

married love is to endure, as strong as death itself (Song of Sol. 8:6). He who violates

God’s regulation in marriage is in God’s eyes a heinous criminal (Job 31 :9-12). God

“hates putting away”(Mal. 2:16).


     We must make our marriages work; divorce is not the solution. God’s Word,

learned, respected, and heeded is! Those wanting to please God, to go to heaven, and to

have happy marriages must:


(1)Realize that marriage is a lifelong contract-till death do us part;

(2) Realize that divorce does not solve problems-it compounds the problems

[the same problems are most often taken into later “marriages”];

(3) Never allow the word “divorce” to enter one’s vocabulary-there are other


(4) Realize that one can learn to love again [in the case where one says, “Well, I

just do not love him (or her) any more’]-one learns to love again by

remembering and retracing the steps by which he (or she) came to love his

(her) mate before and early in the marriage relationship;

(5) Seek the Lord’s wisdom and guidance through the study of His Word and

prayer [preferably, with one’s mate], and perhaps through the help of God respecting,

competent brethren who can help–God’s Word is the greatest

work ever written on marriage [which one would truly expect from Him who

made us and who instituted marriage];

(6) Realize, in the case where only one of the mates is interested in saving the

marriage, that agape love can bring about a change in one’s husband or wife-

“a better world begins with me”; just so does a better marriage begin with

me-I change my wife by becoming a better husband [the principle is seen in

I Jno. 4:19KN “We love him, because he first loved us. ‘1, not by trying

directly to change her or him; and,

(7) Divorce any other woman or man from your mind [if you have become .”, interested/infatuated by that person]-you have no right that person!  Solomon observed, “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favor of Jehovah”(Prov. 18:22), but he warned the husband to:


“Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your

own well. Should your springs overflow in the streets, your

streams of water in the public squares? Let them be yours alone,

never to be shared with strangers. May your fountain be blessed,

and may you rejoice in the Wife of your youth. A loving doe, a

graceful deer- may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever

be captivated by her love. Why be captivated, my son, by an

adulteress? Why embrace the bosom of another man’s wife? For

a man’s ways are in full view of the LORD, and he examines all

his paths. The evil deeds of a wicked man ensnare him; the cords

of his sin hold him fast. He will die for lack of discipline, led

astray by his own great folly”(Prov 5: 15-23 NIV).


     What does your word mean to you? Do your vows before God to be faithful to

your wife mean nothing, when you promised to be faithful to your wife in sickness and in

health, etc., as long as the two of you shall live? Adulterers shall not enter heaven: “But

for the cowardly and unbelieving and abominable and murderers and immoral persons

and sorcerers and idolaters and all liars, their part {will be} in the lake that burns with

fire and brimstone, which is the second death” (Rev 21:8 NAS).


Due Benevolence


     God’s pattern for the husband requires that “the husband render unto the wife due



. “Let the husband fulfill his duty [due benevolence KJV] to his wife, and

likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority

over her own body, but the husband {does} and likewise also the

husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife {does.}

Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time that you may

devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again lest Satan tempt

you because of your lack of self-control”(1 Cor 7:3-5 NAS).


When a couple marries, Paul states, the husband’s body belongs to the wife and the

wife’s body to the husband. They are not to withhold themselves one from the other

except by mutual consent for a time of mourning, sickness, etc., after which time they

come back together, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.” The husband

[and the wife] must remember that man was created male and female, with natural sex

drives, which find scriptural fulfillment only in marriage. It is an important, beautiful,

rewarding part of marriage. The neglect of the sexual relationship or the withholding of

oneself as “punishment” undermines and can bring disaster to the marriage. The mate

who is not fulfilled at home may be tempted to seek fulfillment elsewhere. Such is

adultery [and is condemned by God], but the selfish, unwise, and disinterested husband or

wife who does not show this ‘due benevolence [love]” is certainly not innocent if the

unfulfilled mate finds sexual gratification with another.


     The sexual relationship is an intimate, tender, sacred expression of genuine, devoted,

mutual, and united love. “{Let} marriage {be held} in honor among all, and let

the {marriage} bed {be} undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge”(Heb

13:4 NAS). The husband [like the wife] must not enter the marriage relationship with a

selfish attitude. The attitude of the husband should be that he will strive to meet the

needs of his mate. When one does this, his wife will reciprocate [and vice versa].

Though there are exceptions, this is the general rule. His attitude must be what I can do

for her- not, what can she do for me. This type spirit pays great dividends. He will

shield and comfort her, and he strives to make her happy. She has left mother and father,

the securities of the home where she was reared and trained, to go with her husband. She

has severed cherished, precious ties of her youth. The wife now looks with faith,

confidence, and trust into the face of the husband into whose hands she has committed

her life and welfare. The loving Christian husband will not betray that trust. He will lead

them into a life of excitement and joy, not into a life of misery and betrayal. The sacred

trust into which he has entered and to which he has pledged himself will be fulfilled; he

will seek her greatest good and well being. He will help her to become a noble, beautiful

example of precious womanhood. God’s man will be true to this sacred trust.




      God’s pattern for the husband is that the husband is to be kind and tender to his

wife. Having instructed the wives relative to their chaste and becoming behavior, Peter

moved to instruct the husbands.

“you husbands likewise, live with {your wives} in an understanding way,

as with a weaker vessel, since she is a woman; and grant her honor as a

fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be

hindered”(1 Pet 3:7 NAS).


And, the Golden Rule certainly applies in marriage:


“Therefore, however you want people to treat you, so treat them, for this

is the Law and the Prophets”(Matt 7: 12 NAS).


Also consider:


“And be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just

as God in Christ also has forgiven you”(Eph 4:32 NAS).


Why is it that very often, we are much more kind to others than to the closest people on earth to us, our mates and our children?


     The wise husband does not ridicule or talk down to his wife. He is not sarcastic,

nor does he attempt to embarrass or belittle her. Making her the brunt of his joke in

public undermines their intimacy when they are alone. Paul gives excellent advice to all

of us, including husbands:


“Do all things without grumbling or disputing; [quarreling)”(Phil 2:14



“Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor

giving preference to one another;”(Rom 12:10 NKJ).


“Love is patient, love is kind”(1 Cor 13:4 NAS)


     When disagreements do arise, love “fights fair”. Solomon observed, “That which

maketh a man to be desired is his kindness(prov. 19:22). He is possessed of self-control,

patience, and integrity; he is sufficiently self-assured, self-respecting, and strong

to be gentle and tender. He refrains from those unkind and angry acts, words, and looks

which “cut to the quick”; sharp, bitter words can sting like arrows, penetrating to the

depths of the heart, often intentionally causing pain to his devoted companion. If A

righteous man has regard for the life of his beast, but the compassion of the wicked is

cruel”(Prov 12:10 NAS), certainly the righteous husband honors the feelings of the heart

of his wife. The closer the relationship in life, especially in the home, the greater the pain

inflicted by bitter, thoughtless, rude, and sharp word or deed. How refreshing and

comforting, on the other hand, are thoughtful, tender, encouraging, sympathetic,

reassuring words to one’s help-meet!


      Tenderness also includes and necessitates that the husband [or wife] accept his

wife as she is. None of us has “sprouted any wings”; none is perfect, including our mates.

Husband, when you married your wife, she had imperfections, but your love caused

you to overlook them. You emphasized her many positive qualities and deemphasized

the negative ones. Remember, ” …. love covereth a multitude of sins” (I

Pet. 4:8). Therefore, tt •••• be ye kind one to another, tender hearted, forgiving each

other, even as God also in Christ forgave you?” (Eph. 4:32).




       God’s pattern for the husband requires that he appreciate his wife. She deserves

to be assured and reassured that she is needed, that she is the only one for him, that she is

[out of all the women in the world] very special to him. He needs to demonstrate this to

her daily in very thoughtful ways. Oh, how this draws the couple increasingly closer as

the years come and go! “An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above

jewels”(Prov 31:10 NAS). “House and wealth are an inheritance from fathers, but a

prudent wife isfrom the LORD”(Prov 19:14 NAS). “An excellent wife is the crown of

her husband” (Prov 12:4 NAS).




        The wise husband will demonstrate his appreciation in many precious and

sacrificial ways. He will not forget those seemingly small gestures of kindness. That gift

of perfume, or flowers, or a new outfit of clothes will demonstrate such appreciation. Do

not expect your wife to read your mind. A good example to follow is Elkanah: “Then

Elkanah her husband said to her, “Hannah, why do you weep and why do you not eat

and why is your heart sad? Am I not better to you than ten sons?”(1 Sam 1:8 NAS).




        God’s pattern for the husband requires that he be the proper leader, the head of the

wife. As God is the head of Christ, so tt…. the head of the woman is the man”(I Cor.

11:3). “For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the

church”(Eph. 5:23). This relationship does not indicate superiority versus inferiority,

but a difference in role and in areas of responsibility. Christ is not inferior to God; both

the husband and the wife are equal before God; they are one in Christ. The husband must

realize, though, that his responsibility involves financial, moral, ethical, and spiritual

responsibilities. If he humbles himself before his head, Christ, the woman will not be

reticent to submit to his headship, knowing that he will do what is best for her welfare,

protection, and growth as well as for the children. The Bible also says, ” …. subjecting

yourselves one to another in the fear [reverence] of Christ”(Eph. 5:21). The thoughtful

husband will not “lord it over” the wife. He is not a dictator or a tyrant! He will carry

out his leadership responsibility in love, considering also the wise counsel and wishes of

his wife.


      The husband must assume his leadership role. Eve was told in the Garden, ” ..•.

thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee”(Gen. 3:16). Jehovah

said of Abraham, “For I have known him, to the end that he may command his

children and his household after him, that they may keep the way of Jehovah, to do

righteousness and justice”(Gen. 18:19). Joshua did likewise (Joshua 24:15). To abdicate

the husband’s responsibility is grievously to sin! It is your full time job,

husband, not to be assumed on an inconsistent basis. “Show thyself a man!” Do not

forsake your role as husband and cause your wife to feel she must assume your God given



     Assume your responsibility and headship in religious matters. How tragic it is to

forsake and disobey the command, “And ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath:

but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord”(Eph. 6:4)! The greatest

bond which should exist between husband and wife is their common, mutual love for the

Lord. Some husbands love and are devoted to their wives, but they fail their mates here.

They want them to serve the Lord and bring up their children in the Lord alone. In the

greatest responsibility of the marriage, he abdicates his responsibility. How tragic, how

wrong to treat one’s wife! In the deepest area of love, sympathy, and devotion, the wife

must go it alone. She must learn of God alone, become a Christian alone, worship alone,

serve the Lord alone, bear the responsibility of rearing the children in the Lord alone, and

approach God’s throne alone. Extremely sad, if his attitude persists, she.will hear God

say, “Well done,” alone.


     How wonderful, dear husband, it would be if you were to unite with her in the

Lord! Think of the burdens lightened and the smile brightened, of the enhanced joys of

the marriage relationship and the more close-knit union of hearts, of the renewed strength

and hope through prayer and the heightened comfort and blessing through God’s grace.

Think of the new zest and excitement of having a family-husband, wife, and children traveling

hand in hand unto that “land that is fairer than day. “




      God’s pattern for the husband requires that he communicate and share plans with

his wife. Before a couple marries they cannot spend enough time together. They spend

time doing things together and talking to each other. Question: Why is it that this

communication and time spent together often do not persist after we marry? Such failure

can work disaster to one’s marriage. We are to ”walk in love,” not allowing even added

responsibilities and a busy lifestyle to interfere.


      It is not enough not to be bitter toward or to mistreat one’s wife. Not to speak and

not to spend time together is destructive. One has observed that garden without weeds is

helpful, but a garden full of beautiful, fragrant flowers is beautiful. Marriages flourish

and problems dissipate where togetherness and communication persist. The wife is made

happy when she is in the planning of family activities and pursuits; she has much to

contribute to those plans and ideas. When he takes her into his deliberations and

concerns, she is encouraged and her dignity and self-respect are enhanced. Thereby, he is

made stronger for the tasks at hand, fortified for life’s challenges. He knows that he has

strong backing, a sympathetic ear, and a place of refuge at home. There, he is as a king,

and she is queen. She wants to share his joys and triumphs; she enjoys rejoicing also.

And she wants to help bear and shield her husband from the burdens of life; she can

cushion him from much of the pain. She wants to be and is the righteous husband’s

inspiration to accomplish great things. The truism is, “Behind every great man there is a

great woman.”Husband, why allow yourself to be crushed beneath the burdens of life,

grievous to be borne, when your loving companion can help you bear up under them?

What folly it is! Is your wife a child, too immature to help you face life’s difficulties?

Did you not vow to love her and to share life with her, ‘For better or for worse”?Give

her the credit she deserves; she is a woman, not a child.




Husband, give heed to the Lord’s instructions for marriage. Be as happy as you

can possibly be. Do-not deprive yourself of life’s most precious joys in serving the Lord.

Refrain from selfishness, and seek the Lord’s guidance as you seek to glorify the Lord in

your marriage.

A Wife’s Love For Her Husband – Lesson 4

Lesson 4

A Wife’s Love for her Husband



A.         If the husband’s responsibility can be summarized in one phrase: LOVE

YOUR WIFE! You’re calling as a wife can be also be summed up in a few



1. You must remember there is only one way to convince your husband

that you love him, and that is by your loving response-a response that

he can see, hear, touch, feel and enjoy on a daily basis: a response that

includes the physical, but also touches every aspect of his life.


2. A husband delights in a responsive wife, and he often looks elsewhere

when he does not find it at home. One writer warns:

“A man’s self-confidence is directly ‘related to the

way others respond to him. A man will tie his

affection to those who respond to him and remove it

from those who don’t. “


3. The way you respond to him will be a strong indication of the kind of

life you will have together. It will set the tone in your home,

determine the quality of your relationship, and seriously affect-for

good or ill-the outcome of your marriage.


4. Because God designed you to be a responder to your husband’s

sacrificial, protective love, do not lose something infinitely valuable

by ignoring this aspect of His plan.


B.         Before we look at the Biblical counsel for wives there are two things we need

to consider:


1. First, count the special abilities God has given you as woman to fulfill

your part:


a) You have an instinctive ability to love, to cuddle, to nurture,

and an innate desire to give yourself to those you love.

b) You are apt to be intuitive, affectionate and person centered.

c) You find it easy to communicate intimately about feelings

and perceive happenings below the layer of the obvious.


d) You have, at least potentially, the gift of listening with your

heart to the people you love.

e) In other words, God made you to have a different pulse to

beat in your veins so that you can complete that which is

lacking in a man.        


2. Secondly, I would like for you to think about ways you can respond to

your husband:


a) First, your husband needs you to respond to him physically in

love making.

b) He needs your emotional response in nurturing him.

c) He needs you to respond in practical ways in helping to

establish and maintain your home and family

d) Your husband also wants your encouragement in all the

activities he is interested in or feels called to do.

 [Don’t Berate in front of others]

e) Perhaps, most of all, he needs you to demonstrate

consistently your genuine respect and admiration for him as a

man who is handling his activities well.


c.       You will find that everything a wife can do for her husband comes under three

ways of loving:


1. Helping him in everything essential to the welfare of your relationship

and family.

2. Responding to him emotionally and physically, and

3. Respecting him and honoring him.


I.          We Begin Our Study In The Book Of Beginnings As We Look At

Woman As Her Husband’s Helper:


Gen 2:18

“Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I

will make him a helper suitable for him.” NAS


A.       Picture Adam in a perfect environment-but alone.


1. Of course, Adam had the fellowship of God and the company

of birds and animals, plus the fascinating work of observing

and naming all the living creatures.

2. But, he had no one like himself. God said this was not good.

Therefore, the Creator provided the perfect solution. He made

woman who was totally suitable for him spiritually,

intellectually, emotionally and physically.


B.         Today women sometimes picture their title “helper” as an inferior

position, one a servant or slave might fill.

1. This is far from accurate! In the Bible’s original language, the

word “helper” refers to a beneficial relationship in which one

person aids or supports another as a friend and ally.

2. The same Hebrew word is used for God Himself in several of

the Psalms:


Ps 70:5 NAS

“But I am afflicted and needy; Hasten to me, 0 God!

Thou art my help and my deliverer; 0 LORD, do not delay.”


3. Psychiatrist Paul Tournier explains how a man needs his wife’s


“One of the highest functions of a wife is to console

her husband for all the blows he receives in life. Yet,

in order to console, there is no need to say very much.

It is enough to listen, to understand and to love. Look

at that mother whose child runs crying to her knees.

She utters no word, and yet in a moment the tears have

disappeared, the child jumps down, smiles all over his

face, and heads out into the world once more where he

will receive new blows. In every man, even the most

eminent and apparently the strongest, there remains

something of the child who needs to be consoled. “

(To Understand Each Other, p. 23)

4. If you can keep in mind that a helper is a friend and ally, and

always check your responses by this standard, you will become

the helper God designed you to be.


II.         In Proverbs A Wife Is His Trusted Partner

      A.   Prov 3 1:10-3 1

            “10 An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels.

11 The heart of her husband trusts in her. And he will have no lack of

gain. 12 She does him good and not evil All the days of her life. 13 She

looks for wool and flax. And works with her hands in delight. 14 She is

like merchant ships; She brings her food from afar. 15 She rises also

while it is still night. And gives food to her household. And portions to her

maidens. 16 She considers a field and buys itt From her earnings she

plants a vineyard. 17 She girds herself with strength, And makes her

arms strong. 18 She senses that her gain is good; Her lamp does not go

out at night. 19 She stretches out her hands to the distaff, And her hands

grasp the spindle. 20 She extends her hand to the poor. And she stretches

out her hands to the needy. 21 She is not afraid of the snow for her

household.     For all her household are clothed with scarlet. 22 She makes

coverings for herself; Her clothing is fine linen and purple. 23 Her

husband is known in the gates, When he sits among the elders of the

land. 24 She makes linen garments and sells them, And supplies belts to

the tradesmen. 25 Strength and dignity are her clothing,4pd she smiles

at the future. 26 She opens her mouth in wisdom. And t/.t’i teaching of

kindness is on her tongue. 27 She looks well to the ways of her

household, And does not eat the bread of idleness. 28 Her children rise

up and bless her; Her husband also, and he praises her, saying: 29

            Many daughters have done nobly, But you excel them all” 30 Charm is

deceitful and beauty is vain. But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall

be praised. 31 Give her the product of her hands, And let her works

praise her in the gates.” NAS



           1. Today’s career wife can respect this competent, creative,

           energetic businesswoman who managed to balance her life so

           that neither her work, nor her role as a wife was neglected.


           2. This lady operated as her husband’s equal partner in a totally

           trustworthy manner.

     B.   T here are seven specific qualities characterizing this excellent wife:


1. Her character as a wife

2. Her devotion as a homemaker

3. Her generosity as a neighbor

4. Her influence as a teacher

5. Her effectiveness as a mother

6. Her excellence as a person

7. Her ingenuity as a business woman


     C.   This scripture has something powerful to teach about character as you

            can see. The message for wives is this: The most important thing is a

            Relationship with God First.

woman can do for the husband she loves is to develop strength of

character by fearing and worshipping the Lord.


1. A woman’s relationship with the Lord produces the quality of

life that honors her husband and blesses their entire household.

2. If you want to love your husband and make him grateful every

day of his life that he married you, then take the wife of

Proverbs 31 as your inspiration and model.

 (Eph 5:33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife  must respect her husband)


C.             D.    Please note that this lady’s husband and children praised her as in Proverbs (31 :28-31).

[NOTE: Husband’s Sacrificial Love – Wife’s Respect for his Sacrifices]


III.   In The Song of Solomon She Is His Lover


A.      Is it possible to continue a passionate, romantic love affair with your husband long after the honeymoon?


1. God has given us this beautiful little book on romantic love

that answers, YES!

2. If you would learn how to fuel the fires of an ongoing love

affair with your husband, study her behavior and responses.

3. In fact, it would do you and your husband much good to read

this book often, and learn how they thought about each other

and spoke to one another about love.


   B.   The wife who wants to love her husband will respond to him

           physically and emotionally.


1. It is difficult for a woman to imagine the pain men experience

who have been rejected physically by their wives.


2. Your husband will not feel loved unless you show him you

desire physical affection from him. You have it in your poser

to seal your relationship by your ongoing response to him.

Withholding sexual favors as a means of punishing your

husband is in violation of I Cor. 7:5.


IV.    In I Timothy She Is The Ruler Of His House


1Tim 5:14

“Therefore, I want younger widows to get married, bear children, keep

house, and give the enemy no occasion for reproach;” NAS


A.      The Greek word for “rule, keep, guide” means to manage and direct

the affairs of the household.

l. Clearly, the wife owns the privilege and responsibility of

managing and directing the household affairs.

2. This does not mean she must do all the work alone or that she

alone must make all the major decisions.

3. I am reminded of the counselor who asked one wife what her

husband was doing that caused her to want to leave him, and

her reply was “nothing.” Frequently, it is what a man fails to

do as head of his home that upsets the wife, rather than what he



One reason men have lost the respect of their families is

because they have become spectators in the family situation.

A little boy was asked what his father did, and the boy

replied, “He watches.” You mean that he is a night


“Oh, no,” the little boy exclaimed, “he just watches.” Well

what does he watch?” The fellow asked. “I don’t know if I

can tell you everything,” he continued, “but I can name a

few things.”

“He watches TV, he watches Mom do the housework, he

watches for the paper boy, he watches the weather, and I

think he watches girls, too,” he said, with an impish grin on

his face. “He watches the stock market, football games, all

the sports, he watches mother spank us, and he watches us

do our homework. He watches us leave to go to church and

PTA and shopping. He watches my brother mow the lawn,

and he watches me wash my dog. He watches Mom pay

the bills. He watches me a lotbut mainly he just

watches,” said the little fellow, with a note of sadness in his



   B.      The household is your God-given province. The gracious, tactful, and

considerate way in which you approach your responsibility will be an

accurate measure of your success.


Prov 19:13

“And the contentions (nagging-TLBJ of a wife are a constant

dripping.” NAS


Prov 21:9

“It is better to live in a corner of a roof, Than in a house shared with

a contentious woman.” NAS

v.     In Titus She Is His Loving Wife


In Titus 2:4-5 according to Philips Translation Paul wrote:

“The old women…. should be examples of the good life, so that the

younger women may learn to love their husbands and to love their

children, to be sensible and chaste, home-lovers, kind-hearted and

willing to adapt themselves to their husbands-a good advertisement for

the Christian faith. “


     A.     In these two verses, we find:


  1. First, the wife needs to learn (to be taught) to love her husband

  and her children.


a) The first Greek word for love here is “philandros”

meaning “fond-affectionate as a wife-responding



b) The second Greek word for love is “philoteknos”

meaning “fond of one’s children, maternal love.”


2. Second, we find she is to help her husband by what she does

and by what she is:


There are three Greek words used to describe the

character traits that are seen as top priority for the wife.


Sophron (so’frone) from which we get the name

Sophronia. It means to be sensible and selfcontrolled,

habitually governing oneself from within. It is poise

maintained with wisdom that keeps one from doing

or saying foolish things on impulse, or letting some

desire have power over one.



Hagnos (hag-nos) from which we get the name

Agnes. It means to share in God’s purity, by

keeping oneself away from the defilement’s of the

world; to be chaste. It can mean avoiding crude

talk, turning off television shows that have the

power to pollute the mind, and choosing one’s

friends with care.


Agathos (ag-ath-os) from which we get the name

Agatha. It means kindhearteda term that implies

action. One will be involved in all sorts of kindly

activities for those one loves.


Vl.       In Ephesians She Is His Adaptable Wife


Eph 5:22-24 NAS

“Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the

husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church,

He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to

Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. “


    A.     A wife has the right to her husband’s complete nurturing, protection

and sacrificial love. God commands the husband to do everything for

her highest good even as Christ gave Himself for the church.


1. I believe vs 21 applies in our relationship as husbands and

wives also. Paul said to “submit to one another out of

reverence for Christ.”It seems that both partners are to be

submissive in their relationship out of reverence for Christ and

as a service to the Lord.

2. The wife’s role is to adapt herself to her husband,

demonstrating respect and obedience-submission. Notice the

passage did not say for a wife to be submissive if the husband

would be different to her.

3. The husband’s role is to show submissiveness by his care and

concern for his wife. Therefore, both are serving the Lord and

building a harmonious partnership.

    B.     If a wife does not trust and respect her husband, it is devastating both

to him and the marriage.


1. But, if she is able to look at her husband with eyes of reverence

(respect) he becomes a king among men.

2. They experience a two-way blessing: she gives him the

position of respect as he gives her the place of honor.


    C.      Gayle Wheat shares her thoughts on this attitude of submission in

Intended For Pleasure. She summed up the rewards of this attitude

this way:



“The more you please your husband, the more

he is going to be eager to please you. The more

he attempts to please you, the more you are going

going to try to do the things which make him

happy. This is the glorious cycle of response

which we could call a circle, for a circle never

ends. Once we step into that circle of love, we

will not want to move out, and although our

husbands may still know our limitations only too

well, they will feel that whatever we do is all

right. We have proved ourselves to be just the

right wives for them.”


VII.     In I Peter She Is His Beautiful Wife:


1 Peter 3:1-6

“In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so

that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won

without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your

chaste and respectful behavior. And let not your adornment be merely

external– braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on

dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the

imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the

sight of God. For in this way in former times the holy women also, who

hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own

husbands. Thus Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have

become her children ifyou do what is right without being frightened by

any fear. ” (fear of offending your husbands-Tl.B) NAS


 A.       This passage answers three important questions:


1. What does a wife do when her husband won’t love her the way

God commanded in Ephesians 5?


2. What does a wife do when she feels no respect for her



3. What makes a wife most beautiful in her husband’s eyes?


    B.    God tells wives to live and relate to their husbands in a manner that

pleases God, and commit the results to Him-just as the Lord had to

endure hard things, but committed it all to the Heavenly Father who

judges fairly (I Peter 2:23).


Col 3:23-25

“Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather

than for men; 24 knowing that from the Lord you will receive the

reward of the inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve.

25 For he who does wrong will receive the consequences of the

wrong which he has done, and that without partiality. ” NAS


   c.   It is important for the wife to make herself attractive outwardly for her

husband. A husband wants to have a wife on his arm when he parades

before others to show off.


1. This reminds me of the woman who had her hair up in rollers

when her husband came home. He said, “What did you do to

your hair?” And she replied, “I set itHe asked, “Well when

does it go off?”


2. Husbands appreciate every lovely detail of their wife’s

appearance. Wives, you must remember that your husband has

been out in the work-a-day world and he sees women dressed

in their finest apparel, smelling of perfume and on their best



D.              D.    And yet, God says there’s another kind of beauty that counts for more,

            that never fades, that reaches into a husband’s heart, and has power to

melt it.


1. This beauty cannot be bought or developed by an application of

new cosmetics.


2. It begins on the inside-within the inner life one lives before

God – and as it begins to shine forth, something happens on the



3. Eventually, the husband takes notice:         


a) His wife may not be harassing him anymore, nor

complaining, nor nagging at him to change. She

greets him with affection instead of complaints or

demands when he comes home. Delay the bad news

until after dinner!


b) She has become calm and gentle. She treats him with

respect and shows concern for his wishes. She meets his

gruffest moment with a quiet spirit.


c) There’s purity about her, a beauty that he may not

understand, but he loves it, and he begins to look at her

as if he has never seen her before.


d) He watches her to see the source of this change. The

Scriptures indicate there is the distinct possibility he

may change too. And if he does she has won him

without a word.


      E.    Hopefully, you and your husband are already one in Christ. Even if he

already loves you according to God’s design, you can delight him and

bless his life by developing your inner beauty.


1.      Jay Adams wrote that:


“Respect and obedience that issue in lasting values

such as a gentleness and quietness are most alluring

and win some. Wives who carp and criticize, who

whine and whinny, who yell and scream, who argue

and act stubbornly fail to exhibit this inner beauty.

The gentle and quiet spirit attracts; other attitudes and

Approaches repel.”


2.    Ladies, it is your relationship with Christ that will help you to

       become beautiful on the inside and truly attractive to your

       husbands. Therefore, I encourage you to let Christ live in you

       so you may be the wife God would have you to be.




There can be no higher ambition for a Christian

woman than to be a faithful wife and a happy

and influential mother. It is the place that God

has given woman, and she who fills it well is as

honorable and honored as the most illustrious man

can be.”

–G. A. Stoddard








Ways To Enhance Your Marriage – Introduction – Lesson 5

 Lesson 5


Ways To Enhance Your Marriage




A.       Deborah Jean Morris wrote:



In those days

the words, “I love you, honey”

were said with fifty different inflections

and meant fifty different things.

They could have meant

Thank you for opening the catsup bottle,

even though you said that I had loosened it first.

Or I enjoy our talks

when you come home from work

and there’s just the two of us to share and dream.

Or simply that I appreciate all those things

that make up you;

your sensitive strength,

the way you smile me off my soapbox,

or the way you pretend you are listening

when you read the paper.

But somehow along the way we turned

and instead of floating with the current

we now struggle against it.

It wasn’t one action, or one word,

but a series of little unresolved spats and quarrels

that make the TV the solution

to the problems of a hard day

and silences us when we should say

”Thank you” or ”You really look nice today.”

Today, I no longer tell you that I love you

because the sound of those words

mocks the special meaning that they carried

when we were first wed.

and it is too painful to remember

that those feelings we said we would never lose

were, tear by tear, left in the past.





B.        How terribly true!! Not just one action or one word.


1. But rather a subtle, almost unnoticed wearing away …. a series of little

yet consistent cracks, ever widening and silently ignored.


2. This is a universal problem in marriage. Many husbands and wives

are getting farther apart as the years go by when they should be getting

close together.

C.        But here is the good news: It is not inevitable, it doesn’t have to happen.


1. A forever relationship does not have to be a dream that vanishes in the

light of cold, hard day.


2. A forever relationship is formed and maintained by a man and a

woman who want it enough to pour their lives into the building



3. In this lesson we will look at some Bible principles that will enrich

your marriage and help you build a forever relationship.


I.                  Retain A Long-Term Perspective For Your Marriage


     A.   Without a long-term perspective on marriage we simply will not endure

the inevitable rigors, struggles, and challenges of life.


1. However” with a long-term perspective, where there is a Will,

there is a way.


            2.  The heavenly Architect decreed in Gen 2:24:


“For this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother

and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.”


     B.    Marriage begins with a leaving: leaving all other relationships.


1. This is necessary So that the man and the woman’s full

commitment is to each other.


2. You must focus your lives on each other, rather than looking to

another individual or group of people to meet your emotional

needs. It is useless to leave unless you are ready to spend a

lifetime cleaving.


a) The best way to comprehend the force of meaning in the

word “cleave is to observe it’s use in several passages:



                         Deut 11:22

                        “For if you are careful to keep all this commandment

                        which I am commanding you, to do it, to love the LORD

                        your God, to walk in all His ways and hold fast (cleave) to

                        Him;” NAS


            Deut 30:20

            “by loving the LORD your God, by obeying His voice, and

            by holding fast (cleave) to Him; for this is your life and

            the length of your days,”NAS


b) These passages indicate that in the eyes of God cleaving

means whole-hearted commitment for life.


     D.     Jesus emphasized the permanence of marriage in Matt. 19:9 when He

    taught that the only reason for divorce and remarriage is sexual



  “And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual

  immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever

  marries her who is divorced commits adultery.”NKJV


  An exceptive sentence has the basic force of “if and only if.” Therefore,

  this is the only reason for divorce and remarriage. Please consider


Jno 3:5

“Jesus answered, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except one be born of

water and the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God!” ASV


This passage teaches that there is only one way into the kingdom of God,

being born of water and the Spirit. If the word “except” in Matt. 19:9 will

allow for more than one reason to divorce and remarry then the “except”

in this passage will allow for more ways into the kingdom of God. If not,

why not????


II.                 Cultivate Internal Security


A.     Most people derive their security from external sources such as – the

       environment, possessions, the opinions of others, one’s job or even one’s



1. The problem with any external source is that our lives become

buffeted and made uncertain and insecure by whatever happens

to those sources. We can lose our possessions, job, health and

our mate.


2. Therefore, we need to cultivate security from sources that are

constant and faithful regardless of circumstances.


B.       The most fundamental source and one that can absolutely be relied on in

any given set of circumstances, is our adherence to a set of changeless



Heb 13:5

what you have; for He Himself has said, “I will never desert you, nor

will I ever forsake you,” NAS

Prov 2:3-10

“For if you cry or discernment, Lift your voice for understanding;

If you seek her as silver, And search or her as for hidden treasures;

Then you will discern the fear of the LORD, And discover the knowledge

of God. For the LORD gives wisdom; From His mouth come knowledge

and understanding. He stores up sound wisdom for the upright; He is a

shield to those who walk in integrity, Guarding the paths of justice, And

He preserves the way of His godly ones. Then you will discern

righteousness and justice And equity and every good course. For wisdom

will enter your heart, And knowledge will be pleasant to your soul;”


1. The more we give ourselves to the changeless principles of

God’s word, the greater will be our happiness and growth in

marriage and the more we will be given wisdom, guidance and

power in solving or transcending the various problems and

challenges we encounter.


III.               Learn To Rewrite Or Rescript Your Marriage And Family Life


A.     Our childhood experiences shape our lives.· Our parents and others are

role models; and we identify with them for good and bad.


1. This is why role modeling is the most basic responsibility of

parents. Parents are handing life’s scripts that in all likelihood

will be acted out for most of the rest of the children’s lives.


B.     Many of the problems people face in marriage rise out of conflicting role

expectations or script conflicts.


 1. For instance, the husband may think it is the wife’s role to clean

 the garage – because his mother did. But the wife may think that

 it is her husband’s role, since her father did that.


            2. A wife may think it is the husband’s role to be the chief cook and

bottle washer, because that is what she saw her father doing. But

the husband may think it is the wife’s role to wait on him hand

and foot because that is what he saw his mother doing.


            3. A small problem becomes a large one because conflicting scripts

compound every problem and magnify every difference.


C.    While we are powerfully influenced by our scripts, we can learn to rewrite

our scripts. We can identify with new models. That is what we have to do

when we become Christians.

               1 Pet 2:21

“For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered

for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps,” NAS


1 Cor 11:1

“Be imitators of me, just as I also am of Christ. ” NAS


      1. Examine your marriage and family problems to see if they are

rooted in conflicting role expectations based on family scripts

and rewrite your scripts to fit your marriage.


          2. Don’t feel that you have to pattern your relationship after

            someone else. Write your own ground rules based on God’s

            word and on the things you can agree on.


IV.           Commit Your Life To Unconditional Love


A.      In every marriage, sooner or later, unlovable traits show up in both

partners that can be met only by unconditional love.


1. The love the Bible commands in marriage in “agape.” This is

the answer for all the wounding in marriage. This love has the

capacity to persist in the face of rejection and continue on when

there is no response at all.


2. It heals and blesses in unpretentious, practical ways and imparts

stability and a permanence that is rooted in the eternal Father.

One verse will suffice to illustrate the nature of agape.


Rom 5:8

But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that

while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” NAS


Eph 5:25-26

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the

church and gave Himself up for her;” NAS



3. The word for “love” in both passages comes from the same

Greek root word. This word is the self-giving love, the one

capable of giving totally of self It has the capacity to rekindle

erotic love and to deepen the friendship aspect. The AGAPE

type of love is more than just a warm feeling or transparent

emotion; it is an ACT of personal commitment. It chooses to

love. It goes beyond the heart and originates in the mind and

will. Christ’s love for us was AGAPE love.


B.     It is important for you to stop and evaluate your own approach to love. Do

you presently love with conditional love or unconditional love? To help                                       

you answer this question try to answer the following questions honestly?

If your answer is YES then your love is conditional love and you need to

begin to love unconditionally

1. Is my treatment of my spouse usually based on their behavior?

2. Does my partner’s performance determine the degree of love I

give him or her?


3. Do I think that love should be shown only as a reward for good



4. Do I feel that my partner has to change before I can love him or

her more?


5. Do I think I can improve my partner’s behavior by withholding



     C.    Your attitude toward unconditional love will determine the ultimate

happiness of your marriage.


1. By giving your mate acceptance through agape, you, will find it

easier to work out whatever problems you have


2. Here is how to make agape the central force of your marriage:      


a) Choose with your will to love your mate unconditionally

and permanently through attitude, word and action. Cf.

John 3:16

b) Develop the knowledge you need in order to do the very

best for your spouse.

c) Pour your life into giving agape love.



V.         Make Love Deposits Into Your Bank Account


A.      You and I have a “Love Bank” in our mind. We all understand the

banking system involving deposits and withdrawals.


1. When you meet someone and spend any amount of time with

them you open an account for them in your “love bank.”


2. As they do good things to and for you they are depositing love

units into their account that is in your mind and vice versa.


3. When you meet the person you will eventually marry, the two of

you will open accounts in each other’s “love bank.” As you do

things for each other and as you relate to each other on a positive

basis you will begin to deposit greater and greater love units into

each other’s account.

4. Soon you will have like a thousand love units in each other’s

account. It will have built up so strong that those two accounts

will have gotten so big that you will say we just have to get

married because I love you so much.


5. Therefore, you will find a preacher and a building and get

married. Then after you are married what are you going to do?


6. If you are wise you will keep making deposits into each other’s

account. Do you know what those deposits mean to you? They

are the things that give you those wonderful romantic feelings.


B.     How many times have you heard someone trying to be a comedian say,

“Yeah, it’s real great until you get married, and then after you are married,

then it’s all down hill from there, romance in gone and all that kind of



1. Sometimes that is so. But, the reason for that is because people

quit making deposits into their accounts. Do know what they do

instead? They start making withdrawals from their “love bank.”


2. Do you know how to make a withdrawal from your “love bank?”


a) You may start with an angry outburst by screaming at each

other when times get tough. You raise your voice and say

mean things or curse one another. You are now making

withdrawals from your “love bank.”


Eph 4:29-32

“Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but

only such a word as is good for edification according to

the need of the moment, that it may give grace to those

who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by

whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all

bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander

be put away from you, along with all malice. And be kind

to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just

as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” NAS


b) You withdraw units when you start being overly critical.

Spouse concludes that he/she can never please the spouse.


Matt 7:1-5

Do not judge lest you be judged. “For in the way you

judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of

measure, it will be measured to you. “And why do you

look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not

notice the Jog that is in your own eye? “Or how can you

eye,’ and behold, the log is in your own eye? “You

hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then

you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s

eye.” NAS


c) When you behave in an annoying way you withdraw units.


Prov 27:14-16

“If you shout a pleasant greeting to a friend too early in

the morning, he will count it as a curse!”

“A constant dripping on a rainy day and a cranky

woman are much alike! You can no more stop her

complaints than you can stop the wind or hold onto

anything with oil-slick hands.” TLB


When men leave the toilet seat up that annoys a woman and

when a woman squeezes the toothpaste tube -from the top

that annoys a man. Learn not to do the little~things that are



d) When you make demands, or being dishonest, or using

drugs or being unfaithful, these are all devastating “love



Gal 5:19-22

“Now the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are:

immorality, impurity, sensuality, 20 idolatry, sorcery,

enmities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes,

dissensions, factions, 21 envying, drunkenness,

carousing, and things like these, of which I forewarn you

just as I have forewarned you that those who practice

such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.”NAS

    c.  What do you need to do to keep those love units going into your “love



1. As a wife you need to meet his needs such as:

a) Providing sexual fulfillment


b) Providing recreational companionship


c) Making yourself attractive


d) Giving domestic support


e) Providing admiration and respect


2. As a husband you need to meet her needs such as:

a) Giving affection (non-sexual) tenderness

b) Providing conversation

c) Being open about everything

d) Providing financial support

e) Being fully committed to her


     D.    Do you want to be happy in your marriage the rest of your life? Then you

must keep depositing love units into each other’s “love bank” by fulfilling

the needs of each other. When you make a withdrawal then apologize

immediately and forgive one another.



I want to close with The Magic of Love by Helen Steiner Rice:

Love is like Magic and it always will be.

For love still remains Life’s Sweet Mystery!

Love works in ways that are wondrous and strange

And there’s nothing in Life that Love Cannot Change!

Love can transform the most commonplace

Into beauty and splendor and sweetness and grace!

Love is unselfish, understanding and kind

For it sees with its Heart and with its Mind!

Love gives and forgives, there is nothing too much

For love to heal with its Magic Touch!

Love is language that every heart speaks

For love is the one thing that every heart seeks!